The Maldives is an island nation consisting of about 1200 islands located somewhere in the Indian Ocean, or perhaps on Mars, the locals aren't too sure neither is NASA. Tourism,Prostitiution and Drugs are the mainstay of the Maldivian economy. According to UN reports, the island nation is sinking under the weight of all the fat American tourists & filthy rich arab arse holes.
History
Some recent studies show that the earliest settlers in the Maldives were probably some sloshed sailors who got shipwrecked - but it is generally believed to have been Tom Hanks.
Buddhism was the dominant religion until the 12th Century AD, but once they ran out of beer the people sobered up a bit. Since then, the country has turned to paganism, hippy-ism and politics.
According to Maldivian Folklore, a Prince named Koimala came from the South Pole and became the first king of the Maldives. After that, a DHL plane crashed in a storm, and the the only survivor, Tom Hanks, became his first subject. Eventually, as more DHL planes landed with females and stuff, the dynasty flourished.
No account of the history of the Maldives is complete without mentioning the various legends. There's legend of Rannamaari, a sea demon who arrived every full moon night to accept its sacrifice of a Virgin. However, the Maldivian youth were so sexually active in the later generations, that the only virgins available were pink, wrinkled and 83 years old, and not to mention - only too eager to finally get laid. The Rannamaari got disgusted and shifted base to Hollywood. By all popular accounts, he now goes by the name of Micheal Jackson aka MJ(G)ay. Well, that's all about the stupid legend.
It is believed that historically, the first settlers from Sri Lanka had such a bad handwriting that an altogether new script developed, found scratched on ancient copper tins, beer cans and empty milk bottles.
The Maldives remained a British 'Protectorate' - in other words, a colony with no exploitable resources - from 1887 until 1965. Soon after the Poms got bored and left, the three southern Atolls broke away from the nation and formed the United Suvadive Republic, and made London its capital. The country still exists but is only recognized by the Governments of Nebraska and Atlantis.
In November 1988, a small group of Maldivians, led by RobinHood tried to stage a coup against President Mrs Golhaa. However, the mercenaries could never locate this particular stage, and all the associated Tamil mercenaries got airlifted back home by the Indian Military. While waiting for the action to begin that night, one of the NSS kids tried to shoot a mosquito on his thigh, and became the only casualty of the episode.
On December 26th, 2004, the islanders got their first shower in centuries as huge tidal waves swept across the flat nation. The President marked the joyous occasion by unveiling a three million dollar monument out at sea.And it is believed that the other 6 million went to his off shore account that is off shore.
Wild Life
The Maldives has a wide variety of wildlife, especially at night, high on acid. Other than the colorful, sexually active youth and gay Archers, there are also 3 alley cats and 2 kittens. Most people prefer the alley cats and kittens compared to the sexually active youth. But hunting cats has been prohibited after a kitten accidentally bit a girl's tender parts while feeding it 'rihaakuru' a fish paste made from fish!
Politics
The country has a fully functioning, and widely envied model dictatorial system. In reality, no is too sure!
Elections
The wildly popular dictator has been elected year after year with over 101% of the total -21 votes polled. The dictator is the longest serving ruler in the Milky Way. In fact, there are rumors that he might be the legendary Prince Koimala himself.
Elections are conducted by the President, for the President, with the President, against the people. He has never failed to win the Presidency, never will he!
In recent times, however, Christian missionaries have cause major political upheavals in this predominantly hippie nation.
Opposition
No one in Maldives knew the meaning of “opposition”. It sounded more like those fancy names NASA used to call on new found galaxies. And on one fine day, after 30 years, the regime was shaken by a poor chap being beaten in the jail; namely Evan Naseem. For god sake that chap is dead, let him rest in peace! Instead of his funeral, the whole Maldives burnt. And from the ashes there rose the great opposition leader, Anni. Let it be, naturally the first reaction was to peacefully oppose the regime. However, the dictator wasn’t too happy about a little rat named Anni trying to steal the cheese. So the big cat – President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom instead hired big fat soldiers and commanded to hammer this little rat every time he utters a word.
No wonder, its pure democracy in Maldives. Tight rules were implemented by the regime to mitigate this opposition movements. The government announced that no three man could stand in hundred square feet, its considered as violent strikes. News media should always address the president with “His excellency”, if not, its against the law. And, bearded man is fundamentalist. No one is still too sure of this democracy existed.
Religion
The country is so called 100% muslim but a lot of Satanists, Aethiests and Christians are also present living amongst locals. A small number of Golhaabonists are also found, mostly found sleeping on trees and feeding on branches. In recent days a large number of devil worshipers have also been found jumping around like maniacs in a so-called storm of rocks. Now a new religion is on its way to be formed. "Soobonists" a religion to be officially inaugrated by the president soon. "Seyku" Rasheed is to be appointed as the Head Of Council for all "Soobonist" followers. Marilyn Manson is also believed to be the last, but not the least Prophet by many Maldivians today.
Name Etymology
Several beliefs regarding "Maldives" etymology coexist peacefully. Most prominent ones are:
* "Maldives" is an anagram of MaeLsdiV which is what United Nations (UN) computers spat out after a short circuit at the time when nations name was being printed onto the official UN papers. Yet locals didn't like that one so they anagramed it into something more fancy.
* Nation's name is an abbreviation for "Mal"functioning "Dives" which is what all tourists mainly do apart from hopelessly trying to get laid.
* The Theory of Ever Looping Explanation states that it is proved by infinite looping that "Maldives" stands for "Maldives" which stands for "Maldives" which stands for "Maldives"...
* "Maldives" was the next available name after "Barbados".
* "Maldives" is an Alpha Centauri word meaning "he who is next to the one beside him". This belief is being taken quite seriously by NASA.
* "Maldives" don't really exist but it's just a Marketing trick to sell more sun glasses to tourists.
* "Maldives" actually is a good place for homosexuals.
History
Some recent studies show that the earliest settlers in the Maldives were probably some sloshed sailors who got shipwrecked - but it is generally believed to have been Tom Hanks.
Buddhism was the dominant religion until the 12th Century AD, but once they ran out of beer the people sobered up a bit. Since then, the country has turned to paganism, hippy-ism and politics.
According to Maldivian Folklore, a Prince named Koimala came from the South Pole and became the first king of the Maldives. After that, a DHL plane crashed in a storm, and the the only survivor, Tom Hanks, became his first subject. Eventually, as more DHL planes landed with females and stuff, the dynasty flourished.
No account of the history of the Maldives is complete without mentioning the various legends. There's legend of Rannamaari, a sea demon who arrived every full moon night to accept its sacrifice of a Virgin. However, the Maldivian youth were so sexually active in the later generations, that the only virgins available were pink, wrinkled and 83 years old, and not to mention - only too eager to finally get laid. The Rannamaari got disgusted and shifted base to Hollywood. By all popular accounts, he now goes by the name of Micheal Jackson aka MJ(G)ay. Well, that's all about the stupid legend.
It is believed that historically, the first settlers from Sri Lanka had such a bad handwriting that an altogether new script developed, found scratched on ancient copper tins, beer cans and empty milk bottles.
The Maldives remained a British 'Protectorate' - in other words, a colony with no exploitable resources - from 1887 until 1965. Soon after the Poms got bored and left, the three southern Atolls broke away from the nation and formed the United Suvadive Republic, and made London its capital. The country still exists but is only recognized by the Governments of Nebraska and Atlantis.
In November 1988, a small group of Maldivians, led by RobinHood tried to stage a coup against President Mrs Golhaa. However, the mercenaries could never locate this particular stage, and all the associated Tamil mercenaries got airlifted back home by the Indian Military. While waiting for the action to begin that night, one of the NSS kids tried to shoot a mosquito on his thigh, and became the only casualty of the episode.
On December 26th, 2004, the islanders got their first shower in centuries as huge tidal waves swept across the flat nation. The President marked the joyous occasion by unveiling a three million dollar monument out at sea.And it is believed that the other 6 million went to his off shore account that is off shore.
Wild Life
The Maldives has a wide variety of wildlife, especially at night, high on acid. Other than the colorful, sexually active youth and gay Archers, there are also 3 alley cats and 2 kittens. Most people prefer the alley cats and kittens compared to the sexually active youth. But hunting cats has been prohibited after a kitten accidentally bit a girl's tender parts while feeding it 'rihaakuru' a fish paste made from fish!
Politics
The country has a fully functioning, and widely envied model dictatorial system. In reality, no is too sure!
Elections
The wildly popular dictator has been elected year after year with over 101% of the total -21 votes polled. The dictator is the longest serving ruler in the Milky Way. In fact, there are rumors that he might be the legendary Prince Koimala himself.
Elections are conducted by the President, for the President, with the President, against the people. He has never failed to win the Presidency, never will he!
In recent times, however, Christian missionaries have cause major political upheavals in this predominantly hippie nation.
Opposition
No one in Maldives knew the meaning of “opposition”. It sounded more like those fancy names NASA used to call on new found galaxies. And on one fine day, after 30 years, the regime was shaken by a poor chap being beaten in the jail; namely Evan Naseem. For god sake that chap is dead, let him rest in peace! Instead of his funeral, the whole Maldives burnt. And from the ashes there rose the great opposition leader, Anni. Let it be, naturally the first reaction was to peacefully oppose the regime. However, the dictator wasn’t too happy about a little rat named Anni trying to steal the cheese. So the big cat – President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom instead hired big fat soldiers and commanded to hammer this little rat every time he utters a word.
No wonder, its pure democracy in Maldives. Tight rules were implemented by the regime to mitigate this opposition movements. The government announced that no three man could stand in hundred square feet, its considered as violent strikes. News media should always address the president with “His excellency”, if not, its against the law. And, bearded man is fundamentalist. No one is still too sure of this democracy existed.
Religion
The country is so called 100% muslim but a lot of Satanists, Aethiests and Christians are also present living amongst locals. A small number of Golhaabonists are also found, mostly found sleeping on trees and feeding on branches. In recent days a large number of devil worshipers have also been found jumping around like maniacs in a so-called storm of rocks. Now a new religion is on its way to be formed. "Soobonists" a religion to be officially inaugrated by the president soon. "Seyku" Rasheed is to be appointed as the Head Of Council for all "Soobonist" followers. Marilyn Manson is also believed to be the last, but not the least Prophet by many Maldivians today.
Name Etymology
Several beliefs regarding "Maldives" etymology coexist peacefully. Most prominent ones are:
* "Maldives" is an anagram of MaeLsdiV which is what United Nations (UN) computers spat out after a short circuit at the time when nations name was being printed onto the official UN papers. Yet locals didn't like that one so they anagramed it into something more fancy.
* Nation's name is an abbreviation for "Mal"functioning "Dives" which is what all tourists mainly do apart from hopelessly trying to get laid.
* The Theory of Ever Looping Explanation states that it is proved by infinite looping that "Maldives" stands for "Maldives" which stands for "Maldives" which stands for "Maldives"...
* "Maldives" was the next available name after "Barbados".
* "Maldives" is an Alpha Centauri word meaning "he who is next to the one beside him". This belief is being taken quite seriously by NASA.
* "Maldives" don't really exist but it's just a Marketing trick to sell more sun glasses to tourists.
* "Maldives" actually is a good place for homosexuals.
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